The 5 Love Languages of D&D

  • Play (Mechanics)
  • Presentation (Art/Quality)
  • Plan (Rules)

With Valentine’s Day right around the corner you may be thinking of that special someone in your D&D campaign. It’s important to know what their love language is, and how to shower them with your affections on this holiday of romance.

Words of Affirmation

Sometimes our words do speak louder than our actions, and people whose primary love language is Words of Affirmation thrive on such. Sometimes it’s a simple “Thank You” when they kill the Kobold that was about to knife in you in the back. Other times it’s the gentle Healing Word that brings them back to consciousness after a Bugbear has tried to split their head in two.

Other examples of Words of Affirmation are as follows:

  • “I love the way you pay attention to detail when you’re checking for traps.”
  • “I admire the way you Wild Shape into a sloth.”
  • “You have the cutest horns to ever grace someone with a demonic bloodline.”
  • “I love the restraint you showed by not casting Fireball in that shopkeeper’s store.”
  • “You have a talent for flying into a bloodthirsty rage like no other.”

Acts of Service

For those whose primary love language is Acts of Service actions do speak louder than words. It’s not about what you say to them, but what you do for them that matters. Help them remember to plan their spells for the next day, or carry that magical Warhammer of Exceeding Heaviness for them when they’re over-encumbered. Thankfully Acts of Service won’t cost you any platinum, so you can try any of the following examples without lightening your money pouch:

  • Offer to clean the offal off their greataxe.
  • Save them from having to eat rations while traveling by hunting/gathering a fine meal for them.
  • Think of the little things. Take care of their familiar while they get some well-deserved shut-eye.
  • Pamper them by applying much needed healing potions.
  • Literally put them before you with a well timed Haste spell.

Receiving Gifts

While a person whose primary love language is Receiving Gifts may seem materialistic, they care more about the thoughtfulness behind the gift than the actual item. A new set of lock picks to replace a broken set will go a long way with your rogue lover, knowing they can now get past all those pesky locks keeping them from their loot. While cliche, the head of a chromatic dragon may send a paladin into a divine euphoria.

Other great giving gifting ideas:

  • A Bag of Holding to hold all the future gifts you plan to bestow on them.
  • Diamonds. A cleric’s best friend.
  • A potted plant. Druids always love a new companion.
  • A dagger. Make that two…no, three. Dagger, dagger, dagger.
  • Random junk. You never know what may be a portal key in Sigil.

Quality Time

Nothing says “I care” more than spending time with those who speak the love language of Quality Time. While they may not like to be disturbed, it still means the multiverse to them when you sit nearby while they ritual cast Identify for the 800th time that day. Waiting at the bottom of a ladder that your centaur partner can’t climb shows them your commitment to their emotional well-being.

Other ways to sneak in some quality time during an adventure:

  • Spend up to 8 hours together in a climate-controlled Leomund’s Tiny Hut. Perfect for those cold nights trekking through Icewind Dale
  • As the patron to a warlock, constantly whisper sweet nothings into their ear while being ever-present in their mind.
  • Nothing says “I love you” like carrying around your gnomish lover in their very own Dragon Bjorn.
  • Dedicate time to learning more about your partner’s Necromancy hobby.
  • Even a short rest together while you expend some Hit Dice can help reinvigorate your partner for the rest of the day.

Physical Touch

If one speaks the language of Physical Touch then they thrive on many forms of physical contact. These are the people who love when paladins Lay on Hands or when clerics Cure Wounds. Some barbarian lovers are eager to grapple, while some Lizardfolk like to nip. I don’t think we need to talk about what bards are into. (hint: It’s everything)

What other ways can your show your affection through touch?

  • Roll a 1 and gently caress that orc’s back. They may not be that uncomfortable at all.
  • A scratch between the ears for the tabaxi in your life.
  • Hold their hand. Just be wary when moving through Teleportation Circles.
  • Doin’ it. (for all your bards out there.)
  • Try a little role play…

Always remember to respect boundaries. Any expression of these love languages, even in a fictional game, can be extremely traumatic when unwanted or misused. A great reference for RPG players can be found in Monte Cook Games Consent in Gaming.

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